was clinging on to the last straw… drowning now… the house is shut and still.. the wind blows, bleak and shrill… no thats just a bit of nonsense.. shows how my mind is working.. well whatever hope i had has vanished today..the feeling of weakness, helplessness and aimlessness has overcome me completely… there is no desire to move ahead.. nothing that holds meaning is expected tomorrow… and at this point i discover my hidden talent.. i can act… i can act… i refuse to let my deepest fears to show on my face… becomes easier when someone has alreadys heard your fears/sorrows… then you just put on a plastic smile and move along… not that i havent done it in the past.. only i had hopes that this artificiality would be replaced someday by spontaniety… but now there is no such hope.. the last straw is gone.. the plastic smile in place… yeah.. life goes on…
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